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Today an orthodontist convinced my mom that my yapper needs a decorator — fewer teeth, more track lighting and maybe a few throw pillows.
As I sat on the assembly line with a large mold in my mouth that kept plaster paste in place as it hardened around my uppers, another kid wailed wildly during a cavity spot check. “Calm down,” the dental assistant said to him, “you’ll scare the other kids!”
“HE’LL scare the other kids?” I thought. “What about me? I look like Victim No. 3 in one of those old Vincent Price torture flicks. No one can hear me scream, but anyone glancing my way could tell one is definitely implied.”
As I sat paralyzed by mouth paraphernalia, Dr. Thomas showed me gruesome jaw photos he claimed came from little boys and girls who didn’t strictly follow the three-inch thick “care and feeding of your oral erector set” rule book. But I was pretty sure I was looking at half-eaten pomegranates that had been left out in the sun.
He then asked me if I was paying attention. I gave a big thumbs up. But I think the tear quietly rolling down my right temple was a clearer signal.
As I sat on the assembly line with a large mold in my mouth that kept plaster paste in place as it hardened around my uppers, another kid wailed wildly during a cavity spot check. “Calm down,” the dental assistant said to him, “you’ll scare the other kids!”
“HE’LL scare the other kids?” I thought. “What about me? I look like Victim No. 3 in one of those old Vincent Price torture flicks. No one can hear me scream, but anyone glancing my way could tell one is definitely implied.”
As I sat paralyzed by mouth paraphernalia, Dr. Thomas showed me gruesome jaw photos he claimed came from little boys and girls who didn’t strictly follow the three-inch thick “care and feeding of your oral erector set” rule book. But I was pretty sure I was looking at half-eaten pomegranates that had been left out in the sun.
He then asked me if I was paying attention. I gave a big thumbs up. But I think the tear quietly rolling down my right temple was a clearer signal.
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